Why I Say #MeToo.

On 6 July 2019, UCSI University hosted a #METOO : A forum on sexual harassment, in support of Sustainable Development Goals 3 and 5 with the main objectives to highlight the taboos and the stigma that exist in the topic of sexual harassment, to enhance participants’ awareness on the topic of sexual harassment by discussing different types of sex violence offences  and crimes, to discuss the effects and impacts of sexual harassment on a person’s well-being and to identify methods on how to handle sexual harassment-related issues legally and professionally.

Sustainable Development Goal 3:
Good Health & Well-Being.

SDG 3, ensures healthy lives and promotes the well-being at all ages through reduction of the global maternal mortality ratio, ends preventable deaths of newborns and children under 5 years of age, ends the epidemics of AIDS, tuberculosis, malaria and neglected tropical diseases and combat hepatitis, water-borne diseases and other communicable diseases, reduce by one third premature mortality from non-communicable diseases through prevention and treatment and promote mental health and well-being as well as strengthen the prevention and treatment of substance abuse, including narcotic drug abuse and harmful use of alcohol and halve the number of global deaths and injuries from road traffic accidents.

Sustainable Development Goal 5:
Gender Equality.

SDG 5, works towards ensuring women and girls get equal access to education, health care, decent work, as well as representation in political and economic decision-making processes will fuel sustainable economies and benefit societies and humanity at large. To achieve this we have to ensure an end to all forms of discrimination against all women and girls everywhere, stop violence against all women and girls in the public and private spheres, including trafficking and sexual and other types of exploitation, stop all harmful practices, such as child, early and forced marriage and female genital mutilation, value unpaid care and domestic work and ensure universal access to sexual and reproductive health and reproductive rights.

#METOO reminded me that we all have voices and can speak up, be it for yourself or the next person. We can inspire others to do the same and support them throughout.

I say #METOO for all the men and women who have faced verbal or sexual harassment. I say #METOO if you are unable to find your voice, if it is buried too deep or you have forgotten how it sounds. I urge you to find strength and courage to let it out. No one deserves such treatment and #TIMESUP , it is time to come out the shadows bestowed upon us and let our voices be heard.

I say #METOO for all women who are out there trying to gain a living. For the women who get harassed at work every day by their bosses, coworkers or customers. For the women who were forcefully cornered by sexual commits and not able to deflect them. For the women afraid to speak out at the risk of losing their jobs or promotions they worked hard to get.

I say #METOO for all the women whose consent lost value, for the women who did not make it home, for the women who did not ask to be touched, for the women who did not ask to be cat-called as they walked past a street. For the women who are now afraid to wear their little black dresses, to wear high heels  because they risk being slut shamed and being told she was asking for it. For the women whose outfits do not mean yes.

I say #METOO for all the women who just wanted to have a good time, for the women who did not ask to be taken advantage of, the women who feel like it is their fault for getting too drunk, for the women who are afraid to express themselves because they have reputation that they are easy because of someone else’s actions.

I say #METOO for the women who have been told to shut up and sweep it under the rug. For the women told that it was not big of a deal. For all the women who have lost their voices along the way because they fear no one will believe them. For all the women who keep to themselves and try to fake it.

I say #METOO to as a reminder that you are strong and beautiful and no matter the case. It will never define you.

Atychiphobia▪︎Kakorrhaphiophobia

Atychiphobia  : Fear of failure.

Kakorrhaphiophobia      : Fear of failure and defeat.

I learnt two new words today while preparing this blog. (Don’t ask me to pronounce them.) But isn’t this one of the reasons most of us procrastinate in with our tasks? We are afraid to fail? In university we are given a number of assignments due at a given time, but also don’t have an idea whether we have it in us to complete them. What if we do not understand the question clearly? That one moment we give ourselves the benefit of doubt, procrastination takes full control.

Procrastination.

The fear of failure, the fear of not being/doing well enough. Each time we are handed an assignment, the thought of having everything we write be judged and every mark we lose affecting our final grade affects the success rate be it in schools or at work which affects usually has an effect on how great of a career you will have. It’s some form of expression of despair, knowing that your life backs on words written on a paper.

The fear of passing time, running out of time. Too fast for our taste. For a split second we wish we could just yell ‘STOP!!!’ We want to suspend time for a bit. We want to make every second of our lives count. But time is merciless. We have to jump from one assignment to the next, work to more work.

It definitely seems like a pleading cry. Can you relate?

Despite feeling like all my efforts are not good enough, I manage to submit all my tasks before the stipulated deadline. I know it’s paralyzing. All I wanted to do most of the times was just crawl back into bed and sleep the whole day. But fact is, it gets more difficult as we become more anxious. Leaving everything to last minute get quite stressful for us to cope.

Not every one of us is haunted by fear of failure, but if you do, it’s most probably because you were brought up that way. In most homes, children are taught to fear failure, although we learn a lot from our mistakes.

If every time you get an assignment you are afraid of not doing well enough, this feeling does not automatically go away. You cannot get rid of anxiety, but you can most definitely control it. You can choose to either cope with it or let yourself be consumed by it.

There is no single way to go by it, no secret formula. No one size fits all. It is all about training yourself to take the situations as a new challenge instead of a threat. Changing my attitude about failure and knowing that I do not have to score the highest to get the best learning experience but give it my best shot may take some time. And a lot of personal and mental health.

This is battle only you can overcome…

If you find yourself in this same position. This is how I self-motivate myself to take the fear of failure into a challenge and out of the way of my studies.

You are afraid of not being good enough, right? Well, this basically shows you are eager to succeed. So, regardless of the paralyzing anxiety, what does a person do to succeed?

Yes, exactly that. They work. They do the work.

I definitely would not want to get a ZERO on any assignment. No! Submitting anything at all, even if it’s not your best work, will definitely not score you a zero.

We have to bite the bullet. The most painful and important step is to start. So, once you get something on paper, you will be able to get through it.

You may feel that you have written rubbish, but that does not really matter right now. Do not ponder yourself over the first sentence. Just lay everything you know out. Complete everything. Once you are done, you may go back and review your paper.

It hurts, it made me cringe. But that is all fine. What matters is, you have done it. Ready for the second draft?

Or for the next assignment?

Do you have a mantra you tell yourself get through this paralyzing situation? Share it in the comments below!

Learning Bahasa Melayu.

  

“Dear Mitchell Tendai Kangausaru. In regards to your recent Course Selection for Bahasa Melayu, your request has been submitted to your department for approval.”

I am not going to sugarcoat this abit. “It’s going to be difficult. It’s going to be intellectually tiring. Is it really worth it? I don’t even know any word in Bahasa Melayu and I have been here for a year, are we seriously doing this Mitchell? You won’t even be able to make proper pronunciations, you will never get it all right,” are words I fed myself for weeks before my classes commenced.

Day 1: “Good Afternoon. I am Dr. Neo Swee Leng . Welcome to Bahasa Melayu class,” she said with an overwhelming smile. “I understand it is not easy learning a new language, but I will try by all means to make it comprehensible for you,” at this moment I slowly took back my words.

Bahasa Melayu is Malaysia’s national language. A greater population of Malaysians speak and understand Bahasa Melayu. And being an international student, it come with a couple benefit. Yes, I had survived a year in Malaysia without learning Bahasa Melayu but I also felt like an outcast some of the times. The locals always seem friendlier when you communicate with a few words of their own language.

From my previous language learning experience, they were not quite pleasant. After every class I would definitely feel intellectually drained and could not recall any of my new vocabulary. But this one time everything worked out differently. Dr. Neo conducted games which demolished all the boredom and increased retention in our class. Vocabulary words were integrated in all the activities did. Which had an added advantage our end to memorize a ton of new vocabulary words. We had a couple of in class competitions and rewards which motivated everyone to take part in the games.

I never imagined myself having a strong urge to win candy, in what may have seemed as kid games. But here I am today grateful for each moment spent in my Bahasa Melayu class.

As much as Dr. Neo made everything comprehensible, it was my job to retain all that she had taught. The only way to make this possible is by immersing yourself as much as possible into Bahasa Melayu. Surrounding myself with local friends with whom I did language exchanges and spoke Bahasa Melayu with. I also Bahasa Melayu with my international friends. The best way to learn, is from your mistakes. I made a couple of mistakes, but they all enhanced my pronunciations and hearing skills.

Here’s a compilation of basic greetings in Bahasa Melayu:

Selamat Pagi- Good Morning

Selamat Tengahari- Good Afternoon

Selamat Petang- Good Evening

Selamat Malam- Good Night

Selamat Datang- Welcome

Apa Khabar? - How Are You?

Khabar Baik- I am Fine

Terima Kasih- Thank You

Sama-sama- You are welcome

Selamat Tinggal- Good Bye

Jumpa Lagi- See You Again

These are some basic words that you can use on a daily basis when you are in Malaysia.

Self-Care x University

It’s been a while since I published my blog...

Truth be told with the heat from my midterms, assignments and lectures from my current course load. I had thought one blog post a week wouldn’t be too much to handle. But also me, I just wasn’t feeling it.

I haven’t been my usual positive self lately. With all that life has to offer, the unexpected twists and turns, you may not always feel like yourself too. So how about we take some time out and just zone in on self-care today.

Self-care: Actions and attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of well-being and personal health as well as promote human development so as to be the best version of yourself.

At most we prioritize work and achievements. If you’re like me, you have the tendency to do everything because you can. That feeling of accomplishment I get from ticking items off the to-do list never gets old. Once you feel the burnout point then it’s time for a little introspection. It can be extremely gratifying getting things done, slaying in life and all. But as long as you get home completely worn out, you’re probably low-key letting go off the things that matter, of most value i.e. a healthy diet, exercise and spending time out with friends and loved ones, you might end up feeling resentful, unfulfilled, mentally and physically exhausted.

It’s definitely not selfish to practice a bit of self-care here and then. Can you really look out for others if you’re not well? On the contrary, taking time to oneself goes an extra mile. I can assure you a great deal of success and results in the long run, because that’s what we all want as students, right?

Here’s a compilation of ways I think one can practice self-care as a university student. I’ve laid my focus more on mental self-care, but the list is not definite. We all have different preferences and in the end it’s up to you to find what best suits you:

• Strive as much as possible to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night (8 would be ideal, but you can work your way up)
• Cut down on processed foods (At least once during the day focus on filling your plate with several colors, vegetable, fruits and some sort of protein)
• Watch your caffeine and sugar intake
• Level up your water intake (This will flush out some of the toxins in your body so that you don’t feel so sluggish during the day)
• Grab a book you’ve been dying to read and immerse yourself in it
•  Listen to your favorite playlist, dance and sing along
• Do absolutely nothing for a while, let yourself listen and feel. (That’s what mindful meditation is about)
•  Meet up with some close friends and talk it out
• Cuddle, hug someone. It could be your friend or your pet
•  Plan a trip (Whether you decide to go or not)
• Go shopping, pamper yourself much
•  Go off social media for a while
•  (Not for everyone, but backed by science) Have sex.

Yes, that’s a bonus, because I found it in an article and we’re all grown-ups here.

Slef-care Affirmation: I love the process of becoming who I am (and unbecoming who I am not) I let go, I pick up, I stumble, I rise, I flow. I am one mosaic-many parts learning how to make a masterpiece.

Becoming A Gender Activist.

“You are too young. You are uneducated. No one will listen. You don’t have nearly enough influence,” they said.

There is more to activism than just supporting movement, activists are not only tasked with maintaining their own will to fight against what feels like insurmountable odds, you must inspire others to join in. Activism is not paid or career work. It is heart work. Many are doing the work on top of full-time jobs, parenthood, school and other day-to-day realities and it can be exhausting. For me, I got into this gender activism after experiencing some stereotype threats in my field of study. These gender stereotypes have effects in a girl's performance and interest in certain subjects. There is more increasing workplace diversity than just admitting more women in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) careers. And the research shows that stereotypes regarding women’s capabilities in STEM also start affecting them long before they would ever consider a career.

In today’s society women are still restricted in their freedom through religious and cultural norms, taboos, and behavior and clothing restrictions. As well as development through denied or substandard education and inescapable poverty. Women are also restricted mentally through the promotion of immaturity and self-debasement and the imposition of a stereotypical image of femininity. Restrictions also affect their dignity through representation in the media, in advertising, and in pornography as well as bodily integrity through the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM), which occurs thousands of times a day in large parts of the world. Every day women are victims of gender-specific forms of violence around the world and this may be due to the supposed inherent inferiority of females.

Allow me to introduce to you, “A little too African,” a feminist founded in 2018 with the aim to promote education amongst women and make a life without gender-based discrimination, violence, and exploitation possible. I not only focus on the female as a being but all matters related to femininity thus gender related issues, race related issues and sexual orientation related issues.

Due to my current work load with my studies I found social activism favorable as social media has revolutionized the way we communicate and is a powerful tool for most activists. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube… whatever your social media platform of choice, there are tons of connections made with individuals and organizations that share the same values and goals as I do. Gracefully with time I do hope to make the most of this feminist movement through networking with like-minded people, I believe this will help strengthen my cause and will benefit from their camaraderie, support and knowledge.

One of the reasons I love social activism is FEEDBACK, both positive and negative, is very helpful. Feedback is valuable information that I use to make important discussions. Every time we communicate amongst each other we communicate feedback. In actuality, it’s impossible not to give feedback. I always try to understand the person giving feedback and see things from their point of view. Mostly people mistake feedback for criticism. In fact, what is viewed as negative criticism is actually constructive criticism and is the best find of feedback that can help to formulate better decisions to improve and increase performance. I make an effort to invest time in asking and learning about how others deal with particular experiences and this helps me develop and improve relationships with my audience.

Feel free to visit me on my Instagram page! Feel free to follow me, @alittletooafrican.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong…it is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideas.